Hi, I’m Ronald.
The following blog was one I wrote a few years ago, but I wanted to bring it home to this website rather than where it was first published. Before I jump into it, some context may be needed. For those that may not know, I worked within the nonprofit and church-world for nearly twenty years in creative. When I retired from this world, I had been working as an ED/XP, still greatly connected to the creative industry.
This blog was about the time I trolled an entire worship and creative church Facebook group of over 20k people for months. Enjoy.
I had a great idea last summer (2019). I’d harness all of my annoyance with Facebook “Worship Ministry” groups and interact with them as a confused and aggravated old man from Boise, Idaho named Ronald Donaldson. I became a troll for a few months until I finally was shut down. This is my confession.
Why Did I Do This?
If I had to summarize what annoys me most about these Facebook groups, it’s this: these groups have thousands of people in them, and are constantly posting attention-seeking posts. It’s things like:
“Roast my pedalboard! — Translation: Please look at the $2,000 I’ve spent on these guitar pedals and affirm me!
“Who likes these “worship” boots?” — Translation: Please tell me I got the right color brown for the stage because my security as a musician is dependent on it.
“I want to hear your original songs! Post them in the comments.” First comment… the guy who posted so he could share him. Translation — I want to share my original song but I’m going to pretend like I want to hear yours because I don’t want to come across as self-serving even though I am!
These are pretty much daily occurrences in these groups. It’s incredibly annoying to me that the most selfless thing that we can do (worship Jesus) has become one of the most attention-seeking platforms in the church. Kids… no one cares about your pedalboards, your boots, or your songs. And you care too much. So I trolled you.
This is Ronald’s Story
Ronald lived in Boise, Idaho and attended church at The Cornerstone. He was a drummer on the worship team. Living with him was his grandson, and his cat “Buffalo Bill.” Sadly, Buffalo Bill ran away from home. Ronalds grandson worked at Staples, and was also a crafty young man. He was charging Ronald to access social media, since Facebook costs $99/month. Messenger is an additional costs, and Ronald didn’t want to pay for Messenger. He wasn’t very sure how social media worked. His greatest misunderstanding was that he believed the Facebook “feed” was actually messages written to him. Therefore, he felt the need to respond to everything he saw on his feed. He would randomly tag people, insert himself and opinions into conversations he knew nothing about, and often confused terminology around music or “worship industry” phrases.
Sometimes Ronald took things too far. Most times, not far enough. But Ronald had rules. And he had an operations manual that I stuck to. This was honestly my first dabble in seriously writing. I created a fictional character, gave him a history and a biography, a story, and a personality. I stayed within the confines of the rules I created. Later in the year, I’d write my first book. I credit some of the Ronald Donaldson moments with what became my memoir Father in the Wild.
One of the first things I had to figure out was how to make Ronald believable to a bunch of Millennial and Gen Z worship musicians. I got the profile picture for Ronald from Unsplash, but contacted the guy who owned the photo, told him what I was doing, and asked for his cooperation. He was awesome, thought it was hilarious, and backed up the story that he was my son-in-law. This came in handy when someone actually found the photo I used, contacted him, and he validated my entire story.
The other thing I had to do was find my local church, local life, and geography. I tagged a church that did not have a social media presence, and said that was my church. Ronald hiked around the Snake River, a local landscape. He shopped at Albertsons, a local grocery store. All of this to validate Ronald Donaldson’s existence.
You’re probably thinking to yourself…this is alot of work. But it really wasn’t. I spent maybe 20mins a day pushing buttons as Ronald, normally in the early or late evening. It took a little time to set him up, but he was easy to manage.
How Ronald Died
It’s been a year since Ronald came alive. He died in the fall after my friends busted me in a continuity error. My friends were all about Ronald for months. They constantly shared his posts in a group chat, and many times Ronald was the center of our conversations. No one knew I was Ronald. One of the funniest things that happened was several of my friends began to plan a trip to Boise to find Ronald Donaldson. I went along with the planning. Listening to them work out logistics of making this trip a reality was one of the highlights of the entire Ronald experience for me.
But that all came crashing down on a rainy afternoon. The guys would always share their Ronald interactions in a group text, and sometimes share something they were going to comment to Ronald on Facebook. To save time and make Ronald more believable, I’d often quickly draft a response on the Notes app and when they finally posted, copy and paste that response as Ronald. This would make Ronald’s response quick, and even if I was in the room with them, they knew I was in the clear because I couldn’t have written that response with them with me. Yet it was this very situation that I was caught in. One of the guys included a detail in the group text that he did not include in the actual post to Ronald. And true to Ronald, who liked to fixate on one detail of your post while ignoring the rest, Ronald’s response was to something in the group text, not the Facebook post.
Busted. I quickly confessed and owned it, and we still talk about it today. I think we all miss Ronald.
Some of my favorite Ronald moments
Look, I have about 200 more screenshots and could keep going. I thought about making a book of these screenshots called “Gear Talk: P&W” and selling it. Maybe I will. But let’s get to the meat of this post.
So What is The Point?
The point is this… we all need to relax a little more. I guess I need to relax and not be so annoyed by the “worship groups” on Facebook… though I feel like my annoyance over worship boots and pedalboard roasting is justified. But Ronald got some serious hate, too. I know, I know, alot of it may be justified. But if Ronald was real, he was definitely beat up on in many posts. We’ve got to get better with displaying grace and having a little more patience in online interactions. I’ll take that a step further, because you probably have a Ronald or two in your church.
Let’s just remember that worship is a selfless ministry unto the Lord. Let’s remember to be full of grace and patience. Let’s laugh at funny things, sloppy moments in our sets. And laugh at trolls. There may or may not be a few more “characters” out there right now on these boards interacting with you without you even knowing it. I hope Ronald is an inspiration to have some more fun.